Respecting yourself and others

Definition - treating someone with consideration, avoiding the ‘i’s - interfering, interrupting, insulting, injuring, not offending, corrupting or tempting

You’ve probably heard the phrase – treat others how you want to be treated but have you ever stopped to wonder what this really means? If you’re the kind of person who never gives anyone else’s feelings a second thought; would prefer looking cool in front of friends rather than losing face; regards teachers, your parents or the police as stupid or inferior you might have a respect problem. If you are finding that you are not being treated how you want to be, perhaps by the opposite sex, it might be time to look a little closer to home for the reasons why.

Respecting yourself
If you don’t respect yourself, no one else will. It’s as simple as that. Examples of not respecting yourself include abusing your body, your mind and your possessions.

Examples of respecting yourself include

• not eating healthily is disrespecting your body as is smoking, taking drugs and not exercising
• watching too much TV, not reading or learning new things is disrespecting your mind
• throwing your stuff around, keeping an untidy room or losing things all the time mean you are disrespecting your possessions.

It’s best to start small and work your way up to bigger things if you think you have an issue with self-respect. Think about setting some rules for yourself which will guide you through and don’t break them – or let anyone else make you break them.

Suggested rules:
I take care of my things - my clothes, mobile phone etc
I eat at least five pieces of fruit and vegetables a day
I walk for 30 minutes every day
I don’t do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable (or allow anyone else to do it to me)
I ask for help when I need it

It’s important that you learn to respect yourself in particular when it comes to looking after yourself and your baby. Also in the long term your child will learn from you and if you are not taking care of yourself and your things, those are the habits they will learn.

Respecting others
You might have heard of the governments ‘respect agenda’. It’s about tackling the growing levels of anti-social behaviour we have on the streets, in schools and elsewhere. You may have been a victim of it yourself. What they are trying to do is remind people that if we all want to live together in a peaceful way we need to have respect for others around us.

Respecting others is about keeping a check on your behaviour and attitude when it comes to dealing with other people and their possessions. It’s not about being weak or caving in. It’s about considering their feelings or opinions and not making them feel small or insignificant. It’s also recognising that they have rights too, just like you that must not be abused.

Examples of disrespecting others include:

• interrupting them when they are speaking
• acting like their opinion doesn’t matter
• not listening to people who might be trying to help (e.g. doctors, nurses, teachers)
• not looking after something you’ve borrowed from a friend
• using bad language
• gossiping about people behind their backs
• hurting someone or damaging their possessions
• being late when you are meeting someone

If you recognise yourself in any of these example start changing your behaviour because sooner or later the tables will turn and you might be on the receiving end.

Again set some rules up for yourself and don’t break them.

Possible rules:

• consider the feelings of others before I barge in with my opinion
• I don’t take out my bad mood on my family or friends
• I listen to professionals giving me advice, especially those trying to help me
• I am not pressured into doing something which might hurt someone else or their things.
• If I say I’m going to do something, I do it. If I can’t I let the person know.

Being young and a mum can be very tough and there are lots of people out there that can give you advice. You may get sick of hearing what you ‘should’ do or ‘what’s best for you and your baby’ and sometimes it can sound like everyone is telling what to do. Instead of getting angry and telling them where to go with their ‘advice’ consider taking a more respectful route.

For example people may tell you what to feed your baby and instead of ignoring advice why not think about it or do your own research on the internet to see if they are right. Also ask any experts you know like a doctor or midwives and get the facts. If you disagree with the person respect them enough just to say ‘thanks very much, I’ll look into it’ instead of losing your cool and disrespecting them.

Remember that if you want others to treat you with respect, you have to give them the respect they deserve. Think about your own behaviour towards yourself and if you are not happy, put some rules in place to change things. Respect yourself enough to do it – and stick to it!

To read more information on this subject other personal development tips go to www.pdss.org.uk/home

© This material is the copyright of Personal Development and Safety Solutions Ltd 2006